Thoughts From The Swing

A special guest post by Carrie, a former long-term volunteer, who visited New Day last week before travelling to adopt her daughter.

We sit in the sun and swing, and I wonder whose child I’m holding.

I think about his birth mom.  Does he have her quiet nature?  Her cheerful disposition?  His daddy’s eyes?  Maybe his grandmother’s smile? 

I think about his future mama.  The one who hasn’t yet come; who hasn’t yet found him.  I wonder what her fingerprints will look like on his life… will she teach him to smile in the face of adversity?  Will his daddy teach him how to ride a bike?  Maybe his grandmother will bake cookies with him?

The sun is warm and the sky is clear.  We swing gently and slowly… Jacob sits beside me and Cora scampers around the yard, coming periodically to show us treasures she has discovered.  Gabriel settles into my lap.  It’s peaceful and quiet, and I breathe deep and think about how much my life will change in the next three days.

Tomorrow we leave New Day and travel to our new daughter’s home town.  We meet her early Monday morning.  By the time you are reading this, we will be trying to settle our little family of four into bed for the first time ever.  (Say a prayer for us, please?)  So much is about to change, and I don’t know what to expect.

We sit in the sun and swing, and I wonder about my new daughter.

I think about her birth mom.  She’ll never be far from my mind.  Does our daughter have her big eyes? Her delicate lips?  I don’t yet know her personality… will she be fiery and full-of-life or quiet and demure? Will she take after her mama or her baba?  I wish I could send her mama a message; from my mama heart to hers… just to let her know that her daughter is no longer an orphan; that I will do my best to love her well and to raise her to be a strong woman full of grace. 

I think about all the arms who have held her before me.  I hope they were enough.  I hope she had loving arms to rock her as she fell asleep sometimes.  Arms that cradled her when she was sick and scooped her up when she was afraid.  I hope that she’s spent at least one afternoon sitting on someone’s lap swinging under a bright blue sky.

We’re all connected, you know.  I’m spending the day holding someone’s little boy; loving him as best as I can in the few moments of time that our lives have crossed paths.  And someone else has done the same for my daughter – I believe it to be true though I know no evidence yet.   It’s all any of us can ever do, really.  To love each other well as our paths cross. 

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This post was written by Carrie McKean, former long-term volunteer