Monday, September 5, 2011

Angie's Birthday

My precious little bundle of energy and diva-ness turned two on August 29th.  In celebration we had a party at my apartment.  Over the course of this year here, little Angie has been insistent to the point of violence (on occasions) in claiming my undivided attention.  In the early months that was far more difficult for her given that another little girl had managed to snag my lap and additionally my heart mere seconds before Angie.  Angie was forced to share my affections, not happily. 

When the other little girl was adopted, Angie took no chances.  In her mind, there was no question as to who would be claiming my lap for the rest of my time here.  I was initially a little reluctant, not because she isn’t the cutest thing on the entire planet (which she is by the way), not because I didn’t like her (I adored her), quite simply put I was scared.  I was scared to put my heart on the line again; when the other little girl was adopted it hurt, a lot.  I did not want to go through that pain again; I did not want to face another searing goodbye.  I am terrible at goodbyes in any situation, but when I am fairly confident that I will never see said person again, well, a strong part of me would rather not even enter into the relationship than suffer through the pain of the impending separation.  This is easier done when a) the person is not someone you see every day and b) is not 2 years old and single-mindedly focused on making you the center of her world.

Angie did not give me an option; she forced herself right into my heart, turned it into her personal living room and did her best to lock the front door against any potential rivals’ intrusions.  This unconditional love, outright devotion, single-minded adoration; it taught me a very important lesson, because I found myself reciprocating many of those feelings; and had I kept my heart locked against another goodbye, I would never have created such a deep bond with such a special little girl.  The truth is yes, it is going to hurt more than I care to consider when I say my final goodbye, when I walk out of the door of the downstairs playroom for the last time and see her standing there waving, my heart will shatter, it is already cracking.  But this time, I will take the pain, because it is worth it.  SHE is worth it, she is MORE than worth it.  They all are and I am grateful that she forced me to open my heart to her.

In honor of her forcing my heart open, I threw her a second birthday party.  We had cake (actually cupcakes); opened presents (a former intern even sent her a package especially for the celebration); and painted fingernails.  Claire and Brooke joined the festivities as well as Angie’s nanny Rachel.  It was a wonderful day.  Angie changed my world and for one hour on a Monday afternoon, I did my best to brighten hers.

--This post was written by our beloved intern, Jazz


  1. Happy Birthday Angela and God bless you Jazz! Yes, it is so WORTH the risk and the love and the tears! Thank you for stepping out in faith, and inspiring all of us to do the same wherever we are!

  2. Perhaps the most perfect post for me to read today of all days.
    Thank you for sharing your heart with Angela and all the little ones, and reminding us that yes, it is worth every bit of risking the hurt ... so worth it you are right.

  3. OH my word, what a very precious post. Jazz, I think you spoke the heart of so many interns and caregivers and even sponsors who have fallen in love with these precious children. But thank you for allowing your heart to be vulnerable and for showering sweet Angie in that same unconditional love that she gave you. She is truly a precious little princess and will always be a treasure of your heart! Totally worth the risk!!

    God bless! <><

  4. What a beautiful reminder that LOVE is always worth the risk!